Beauty in Brokenness

You can’t wrap your mind around your situation. You’re wondering how you got to this point, why it’s happening, and why it’s happening to you. Your stomach is in knots. All the plans you had made in your heart and mind have been blown into oblivion. Your body is aching from sleepless nights. Eyes burning from the weeping you did the day(s) before. No makeup, hair unfixed… because… what’s the point? You can feel your heart literally breaking.  You feel used. You feel hopeless. You are broken.

 

Before two weekends ago, I couldn’t relate to the above. I have had my fair share of hurt in this world, but nothing compared to this feeling of utter brokenness and hopelessness. I found myself crying myself to sleep, or having to leave my desk at work because the tears would just start up with no trigger. I had no motivation to do anything but sit at home and think about the hurt. I was to the point where I had no idea what I was going to do. In those moments that were days long, I felt like I had no hope.

 

One night I found myself on the floor of my bedroom, sobbing into a pillow. I felt so alone. After a while, my sobbing turned into crying out loud to God. I just started pouring my heart out to Him and was very, very honest. I told Him how angry I was at Him for “letting me down.” I told Him how I felt, and how much I hurt, and how angry I was at the one who betrayed me. I begged Him for relief. I had been in so much pain, puffy eyed and drained… I just wanted to feel some consolation. I just wanted to know that I wasn’t alone. Then, I admitted that I really just wanted Him.

 

In that moment of rawness with the Lord and honesty, my heart was smote with Psalm 51. I grabbed my Bible, sat on the couch, and began to read out loud the passage:

 

“ Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions… Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin… For I acknowledge my transgressions: *and my sin is ever before me*…. Against thee, THEE ONLY, have I sinned… Behold, thou desirest truth in the *inward parts*: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom… Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow… Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which THOU hast broken may rejoice… Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities…. *Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.* … Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me…Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit…Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness… O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise…”

 

I was being honest with the Lord, and for me to be truly honest with Him, I had to acknowledge what had brought me to this place… my own sin. My own selfishness. My own heart had been broken and marred by my giving into my flesh. A slow falling away. If I had resisted temptation and fought my desires, my heart would have never been placed in this position to feel this way. But, this did not change the fact that I was still broken. But at the end of this chapter, was the beginning of healing for my hurting soul….

 

“For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering… The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.”

 

When I read that verse out loud, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been so lost, not knowing how to handle or what to do with all the broken pieces my heart was in. I asked God what I was going to do, and He gave me the clearest answer—give it to Him. I could either wallow in self-pity and stay brokenness, or offer up my brokenness as sacrifice to Him. I had to sacrifice self—giving up my plans, who I thought was my future and everything—over to the One who was in control of my future and whose ways are perfect. Who better to let handle my heart than the one who knew me before the foundation of the world? Who better to give my heart to than the One who actively pursues it?? No one better than Jesus Christ, God Himself.

 

I got something that night that I didn’t think I’d ever get… understanding. I still hurt like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I still ponder on the years of my life that now seem wasted and ask Him what is was all for… was it for nothing, or was it just some big lesson? Will we come together stronger than before? Is this so broken that we will never even be cordial? God’s great like that. He lets us hurt, question and even be angry. But when we humble ourselves and ask, He gives us healing, peace and understanding.

 

My pastor preached a message a few Sunday mornings ago on brokenness. With each word (from the Word), he confirmed what the Lord had already been sowing in my heart. The whole conclusion of his message was a challenging question: Are you going to allow your brokenness to become a breakthrough? If you give your brokenness to the Lord, He will make you new.

The Lord really did a number on my heart in the midst of my despair. It's hard to explain, but although I am still broken, I am happier... isn't that strange to think of? How can someone be broken, but have joy? Jesus Christ. That's how.

 I can feel it, and I believe my face and life is showing it (new joy). But, that doesn’t mean that I’m whole again. I am still mending wounds every day. Each time a friend brings up his name, or I find remnants of our life together while unpacking my new apartment, I am forced to confront that hurt and allow the Lord to heal it. It’s not easy, and it’s not quick, but I am trying to be willing to allow this hurt to blossom into trust with my Savior. He’s the only One who can do it, and all I can do is wait.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified." Isaiah 63:1-3

-Carrie Anna

Complete

It has been about 6 months since I have even looked at my blog! The last thing I posted was right before I switched jobs (part time into full time). Then in March, I switched jobs again AND bought a new car! Life has been busy, that's for sure, but I am thankful for the busyness! It is all a result of the Lord's blessings in my life. So I have zero complaints! :) I decided to log into my account and saw a draft that I wrote back in January and never posted. The truth of this little thought helped me, and I hope it helps someone else.

Enjoy.



I have spent the majority of my life single. Guess what? I LIVED. Growing up I was never boy crazy. I had crushes and liked guys, but I never was the girl that had to have a boyfriend/relationship. Some people may be judgmental and think, "Well, you're not all that attractive so it was easy for you." People have actually said that to me in a 'round about way. Well, my brother had the same concept and girls were constantly throwing themselves at him. I think my parents helped us prioritize. As he says, "Girls are CRAZY!!" And I have to agree.

Girls, especially Christian girls, are obsessed with finding "the one," getting married and having children by the time they turn 19 or they are a failure in life.

Question: When did we become like this? Answer: When we left our first Love.

When I meet up with friends I haven't seen in a while, one of the first "catch up" questions asked is who I am seeing or if I'm talking to anyone. I am so very guilty of doing this, so I am preaching to myself here. Our lives are revolved around finding a relationship, whether we realize it or not.

 It's natural for us to want a relationship. Making it a priority above the Lord and our relationship with Christ is when it becomes an idol. Then it becomes a sin-- an often crippling sin. Unknowingly we have made it the center of our lives. The drive to our life. Our "void filler." Our sole purpose.

**But what is our sole purpose? To win the lost. Matthew 28:19. Only man to fill our voids and needs? Christ. Colossians 2:10. Our drive? Love of Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:14. Center of our lives? Serving the Lord. Psalm 27:4. **

I intended on posting something similar to the ones before mine, by sharing some experiences in dating and what I have learned. I did learn from mistakes that were made on both ends, and it would've been pretty easy for me to do that. Like I have said before, a month or so ago I had this idea and talked with some other ladies. We have all prayed and shared our hearts. This was my heart. I do believe the posts that have been and will be shared will help you and I both. But before you read all these dating stories, please see the big picture here.

We are not trying to get your mind on dating anymore than it probably already is. The moral of every sob story and fairy tale ending you may read is this: No boy, guy or man will EVER fill the void in your heart that is long for that fairy tale, unconditional love. The only man who can offer that to you is Christ. No matter how seemingly perfect your guy is, his spiritual walk is not enough. YOU have to have your own relationship and fellowship with Christ! That is your priority. That is your drive. That is your purpose. Serve Him, tell others about Christ and live your life for Him and not 'him.' From there will flow indescribable joy and peace. There may be lonely days, but not because you are alone. Trust the Lord and keep on keepin' on!

-Carrie Anna

It Will Not Depart

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

I have heard this verse preached all my life. I've seen it hung on nursery walls and in the homes of parents with, most often, small children.

Yes, I agree that if you teach a child in the ways of the Lord, they will not forget. As a 21 year old, I can still remember Sunday school lessons I sat in as a child. To this day, because of SS teacher Mrs. Shelley, I can quote Psalms 23 without hesitation. Things stick with kids! It's just how God created their minds and yearning for learning (like my rhyme?). Unfortunately, more than just the good stays with a your children parents. Unfortunately, the bad stays with us too.

Have you ever gotten in an argument with someone, and they said something very hurtful, and still to this day you can remember everything they've ever said? I bet you are bringing up some memories at this very moment. Whoever said that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" must've lived in Niceville where everyone smiled and had sweet, encouraging words to say, because that is a lie that has been spread through time. Words hurt. It would be a safe assumption for me to say that I would rather someone get mad at me and punch me in the face than say something to purposefully hurt me.

Words stick, wounds heal.

I am not a parent, so I have no experience and no leg to stand on when it comes to giving out parenting advice. But I am a child, and I do have a leg to stand on when I say that what you say and how you treat your children makes a serious impact on how they speak and treat others, and in the future, their spouse and children.

Here's the thing. You can teach and raise your children in church, never miss Sunday school or a church service, be involved in every activity, read your Bible and pray, but if you are not consistent at home it's all in vain. Just like the world wants to see realness in Christians rather than perfection, your kids want to see the same. They mess up just like YOU messed up, and to hold them to standards of perfection will 1) drive them out of church, or 2) Make them crazy trying to be perfect, then when they mess up, they will think that the failure will be irreconcilable and also quit on God. Maybe even completely. From my own experience, and friends' experiences that I know of, here are some suggestions that maybe your children are thinking, but do not want to say in fear of being disrespectful or punished.
**By the way, your adult children are probably thinking this too.**

-Do not praise your kids in public, then degrade them at home.
-Take the words stupid, dumb, worthless and useless out of your vocabulary.
-Correct them on their mistakes, but offer a solution and not leave it empty.
-Be consistent.
-Be honest, and not afraid to apologize. This does not make you weak in their eyes!! They will love you and respect you more for it.
-Do not say things like "You cost me so much money!" It will make your kids feel like they are a burden and the cause of financial problems. If you don't have the money to spend, then don't! Kids do not expect to have extravagant amounts of money spent on them for their pleasure, or really any at all. They are TAUGHT that.
-If they are involved in sports or clubs at school, support them by going to their events. You will be surprised how far they will go if you encourage it.
-Listen.

Those seven things barely scrape the surface of what goes on in a child's head. You may be reading this, thinking that I have no right to suggest anything to you because I'm not a parent. You're right, I guess I really don't. But working in an after school program where I here kids almost daily talk about their parents and what they wish they would do, or what they wish they wouldn't do. I've heard it from kids at work, church, friends of mine and some from my own experience.

Like I said, the truth is, not only the good stays with a child. The bad does too. They remember every harsh thing you ever say, especially if you make it a point to do it daily. LOVE YOUR KIDS! Despite their flaws. It can make all the difference.

-Carrie Anna

10 Reasons Why I Have Stayed In Church As a 20-Something

I have had the privilege of growing up in church. In fact, I have had the privilege to grow up in the same church for the past 16 years of my life! After 5 years at one church, my parents wanted to begin going to a church that was ministry-minded rather than just a church that "surviving." During my 8 years in youth group, and now as a young adult, I have seen friends that I thought would never forsake the Lord just up and leave. Almost always because of these 4 reasons: A boyfriend/girlfriend (sometimes a husband or wife), choosing a job(s) that takes them out of church, worldly friends or worldly things (no detail needed). Confusion, hurt and heartbreak are just some of the things I have felt watching people I love loose the joy they once had and give up that joy for fleeting moments of temporary happiness with no satisfaction in life.

These types of situations often prompt me to think of what I am doing for the Lord. How close am I to the line of the choice to serve the Lord or walk away? No one is above that choice, and to say that you will never walk away is ignorant. Peter did so, and denied Christ. I am a lot like Peter. Loud, a lot of times driven by emotions of the moment, and more often than not my foot is in my mouth. So I, thanks to trusted advisers in my life, have done my best to make it a point to see that line and be on guard of my heart and mind to stay close to the Lord.

Against all odds, I am here. Against all odds, I do not want to become a statistic.

Here are 10 reasons why I have stayed in church as a 20-something:

1. My parents loved our pastor. As a 21 year old, I have never heard my parents come home and talk about our pastor in a negative way. I'm sure they have disagreed with him, but if they have I have no clue when. They have always made it a point to be behind him in all his decisions and taught my brother and I to do the same.
2. My parents love our church.  Just the same, they led by example to be faithful to church. Never missing a Sunday morning, Sunday night or Wednesday night service (unless job or serious sickness prevents). Special meetings or revivals? We were there. Tuesday night visitation? There. Nursing home (before our jobs hindered)? There. Anytime our church had something going on, they made it a priority by giving and participating. Like Bro. Tony Hutson says, "If your local church is hosting a chicken fight, you better be there and bring a chicken!"
3. Faithfulness was taught by example and word by my pastor, parents and lots of trusted individuals that I looked up to. In my life, I have had examples of faithfulness everywhere around me. My pastor has been the pastor of Fellowship Baptist Church for 20+ years. A lot of pastors are just hirelings who chose to be a pastor as a career choice. My pastor is God-called and in it for the long haul! My parents, immediately after salvation, began going to church, and once at FBC worked in the bus/van ministry, and now have been for 15 years at FBC, and a few years before at Pilgrim Baptist. I wasn't just encouraged to be faithful. "Well, if you can, come Sunday morning to make an appearance. But you don't have to come tonight or Wednesday! I'm just glad to see you Sunday." I was TOLD to be faithful, because we fail daily, but God NEVER fails us. Why not get together with like-minded believers and fellowship in the Lord? It takes three to thrive! I really enjoy the time I get to have with my church family, and I hope I can always make it a priority.
4. My pastor, youth pastor and their families were consistent in their Christian life and faithfulness to the Lord. It was a rare thing for my pastor (or youth pastor when I was a teen-- who had an impact on my life) to not be in church, unless he was very sick, had kidney stones or was on vacation (once a year). They always came to visitation and were in their place. It showed me that if they could have big families and be busier than anyone I know and still make it to church and all church activities, then so could I.
5. My pastor and his wife, as well as my youth pastor and his wife, were ALWAYS available to me if I needed them. Whether it was because I needed advice, or just to talk to someone, they were always there. Being available to young people is imperative, and them being so open to me really made an impression in my eyes and heart.
6. My pastor is super involved in the lives of the young people in his church. Even now as a young adult, if I miss or something happens he will Facebook me, text me or send me a Voxer to see if I'm alright. Or he'll just randomly say something crazy to get my attention, as does he do this to everyone else. One thing I could never deny is that my pastor is genuinely concerned about every aspect of our life (in a good way lol). I remember as a teenager I had invited my youth pastor and his wife to my choral concert, not really expecting they'd come since they had 8 kids and were always super busy. When I saw them sitting in audience I was SO happy and excited that they had taken the time out of their life to hear me sing a short solo in a Disney medley, ha ha. Little things like the ones I mentioned all added up to one big reason to keep on keeping on for the Lord.
7. My pastor is invested in the lives of the young people in his church. I know for a fact that my pastor prays and thinks about me and my needs besides just on Sundays/Wednesdays when he sees me the most. Just recently I was discouraged at some choices I had made, and I thought I had completely failed God. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I received a Facebook message from Preacher thanking me for " your Dedication, Commitment, Faithfulness, and Loyalty CB. I appreciate it more than you will ever know... you're the kid that caught and kept the vision." I know he wouldn't mind me sharing that, and no one would've never known that he 

sent it if I hadn't have just now posted it. It's all the behind the scenes things that have encouraged me in the 

Lord and I am thankful for a pastor who is invested!

8. My pastor and his family are the true definition of balanced, and are the realest people I know. They are not fake in anything they do. They admit their mistakes when they make them, and sincerely apologize. They are open books and aren't secretive. They are serious when it comes to the things of God, but both make me laugh more than anyone else I know! I actually traveled with my family to a revival in Alabama 5 hours away, and when the pastor asked where we were from and told him that we were from Fellowship Baptist in Maryville, he smiled and said "Tom Hatley is the most balanced man I know." Which is so true! Young people can point out a fake person from a mile away, just as quickly as they can point out a real one. I am thankful that my pastor is real, as well as the majority of the adults and leaders that surround me. They've always encouraged honesty and that's a pretty significant thing.
9. I was taught and preached truth. As a young child in Sunday School I remember being taught scripture and the whole counsel of God. Never watered down lessons, but lessons that were prayed over and studied by my teachers. I was taught the differences between true Christianity and false religions and what to watch out for as to not be deceived. I was taught WHY I believe what I do, not just told to blindly follow. I was encouraged to study and question and learn for myself and not just answer "because my pastor said."
10. I knew/know that I am loved unconditionally. No matter what I did as a young person, I was told the truth and disciplined in love. I have been in the pastor's office a few times (not always in great circumstances) but I never left hurt. I might have left upset with myself, but never with the ones who were truly trying to help me. I have made some stupid, STUPID mistakes, but I was always handled in love.

So many things have accumulated in my life that have molded me and made me who I am. So many things have come together to place me where I am today! Like I said before, I do not want to be another one fallen off the wayside or just another statistic. Words cannot describe the thankfulness and love I have for the people who have helped me and encouraged me along the way as a girl in her 20-somethings. Pastors/Youth leaders who are reading this, please realize -- if you haven't already-- that how you treat and teach your young people REALLY does matter. Be invested, involved, available, faithful and consistent! It can make the difference in their life and where it goes.

Closing out November with Thanksgiving left me with the list above during a devotion of respecting elders.

So to end, I have a big THANK YOU to my parents, pastor and his wife, youth pastor and his wife, mentors and advisers that have encouraged and loved me through the years, despite my many short comings. Thank you for serving the Lord and bringing up a generation who love Him and want to serve Him behind you!

-Carrie Anna

Photos for the Gospel

And He said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel unto every creature. mark 16:15

Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. Matthew 28: 19-20

I love missions.

Period.

As Christians (which does mean Christ-like), we are supposed to love the things that God loves and hate the things He hates. My pastor has said before, that missions is the heartbeat of God and I completely agree. 

Last August a group of 20 (or team of 20 as Preacher called it) took a 20 hour plane ride to the most beautiful place I've ever laid my eyes on... South Africa. The scenery was beautiful. Seeing the Indian Ocean crashing onto the coast was beautiful. Above all, the people were beautiful. Every church we went to that the missionaries had started were so welcoming and warm to us. They bore with us trying to do the "click" in Xhosa -- when we were brave to attempt... which I failed miserably at-- and the first few times of realizing they shake hands differently than us. As we were moving Madiba Bay Baptist Church out of their store front building into their new building they had bought, we helped the Mamas clean. They then bore with us ladies as we tried to help clean the building... laughing all the way. :) Such happiness and joy was on their face. In a carnal, wordly view you could assume these ladies and their families shouldn't be so happy because they don't have all the things we as Americans think we need for happiness. Someone once said, that "If you have everything but Jesus, you have nothing. If you nothing but Jesus, you have all you need." Oh, how this was engraved into my mind and heart those two weeks. My heart was knit with them, and I'm sure I can speak for everyone when I say that. 

So here we are, about 7ish months away from our next missions trip to China to visit the Tolson's. I have been praying about going on this missions trip, and Lord willing I will be going! As well as to South Africa the following year, again, if the Lord permits and He doesn't change our pastor's mind (which my parents are going on this... so that's exciting!). 

I have decided to use my new found hobby to raise support to go. I will be taking photos for any occasion for a low price, then anything else above is just a donation. ALL PROCEEDS WILL GO TOWARDS THESE TRIPS FROM HERE ON OUT. The price will be a flat rate of $40 per session, and events such as weddings will be $60 plus any donation over that you'd like to make. 

These will include an unlimited amount of photos/time/outfits/locations/days and I will put them on a CD, so you will be able to download and print freely. Also, you can do any other editing you want. I will also be editing them before hand, so any editing you do after is your decision. The CD will have copies of the final products and without the logo that I use for posting it online. So if you're interested, feel free to message me on here or shoot me a text or private message on Facebook. Most photographers charge by the hour, plus an extra fee for wear and tear on their cameras and time put into editing so, I'm making these really affordable. Great pictures for a great price! Plus I'm getting some good practice. :) Share with your friends and family! Below are links to the websites for the families serving in South Africa and for the Tolsons in China. Women Behind the Scenes is a blog by missionary wives that I really enjoy reading. Also, a post on their by Mrs. Amy Coffey (SA) about her experience learning to make amagwinya, a.k.a. the most amazing deep fried bread ever! Check these websites out and pray for these families serving the Lord in SA and China! God bless.

- Carrie Anna

http://www.projectsouthafrica.com/

http://www.womenbehindthescenes.com/

http://www.womenbehindthescenes.com/2013/09/20/more-than-amagwinya/

http://projectchina.org/

http://www.chinaramblings.com/

Chipping Away a Heart of Stone

We had such a great day in church today! My pastor preached on How to Be an Effective Soul Winner (split between both services) and it really blessed my heart. Very briefly he had us turn to Isaiah 51:1.

--Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the Lord: look unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged. Isaiah 51:1--

Although he hit it quickly, the scripture didn't leave me. 

When I think of where I was two and three years ago, and see where I am now, I can't ignore the blessings that have been poured into my life and the change that has been wrought on my heart. You see, I was bitter. Angry. Unforgiving. Hurt... and guess what? I chose to be that way. Granted, I was only 19 and fresh out of high school. Still naive about the fact that people will leave you & despitefully use you. Impressionable. 

When I was 18 (almost 19) I was deeply hurt by a person I loved. I will not go into detail, but it seemed as though the trust was damaged beyond compare. At first, I was heartbroken. I cried a lot, wanted to be alone and just wanted answers. Shortly after the heartbreak, I became angry. I thought, "Why would they do this to me! I have been there for them through thick and thin, and they repay me with evil!" After a week or so of anger came the unforgiving heart. In my heart I made the decision to only forgive them after they came crawling back to me. I mean, hey... they're the ones that wronged me! All the while, with each step past the hurt that I knowingly took, seeds of bitterness were planted. A few here, and a few there until my heart was a mangled mess of thorns and weeds. Bitterness had won, and I was getting my face shoved in the dirt. The year or so after that was horrible. See, when you become bitter you turn your face away from the Lord and look to yourself. You see everything one-sided. You believe everyone should cater to your feelings and emotions. I'll even be honest here. I saw the blessings the Lord was giving my "enemy" and was literally angry with Him. Why would he bless them after all the wrong they have done? Let me tell you... I was miserable. 

But why was I miserable? Was it because of the incident that happened in the year previous? NO! I was way past that. I remember when I first came to the realization at what I had allowed to happen to my heart, and I tried to remind myself of what that person had done and why I was so angry. I couldn't even remember all the little things that I had accumulated over the years that I thought were true wrongs. See, that's what bitterness does. When you are bitter, every little thing that that person does to you makes you mad beyond words. One seed there. They look at you in a rude way (at least that's what you perceive). Two seeds there. And so on, and so on. **Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23**. I was miserable because I was making myself miserable! I allowed my heart to be overtaken with bitterness and because of that, sometimes I even fueled a fire with others bitterness that they had.

When I first realized what had happened to me and what I had done as a result, I couldn't help but break. Next thing I knew, I was on my bedroom floor begging God to take away the bitterness. I wanted to be happy again and I didn't want to let my bitterness get any more out of hand than it already had. That night was a turning point in my life. **Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.** I began reading my Bible again (because once I became all about me through my bitterness, I stopped focusing on the important aspects of my life). He used my personal study and the mentoring our pastor's wife Mrs. Kim was giving to us to soften my heart. I began adding this person to my prayer list, and praying for them. Then, every time I thought about them (positive or negative) I would pray for them and ask the Lord to work on my heart and theirs to mend it back together. **But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44** It was a slow process. Friendly hello's here and there, then a true smile, then real conversations and then I found myself with them on the weekends and then before I knew it, it was like nothing had happened. At first I was in shock, and after being so hurt I was guarded I re entered the friendship with caution. Now I serve the Lord beside them, laugh with them and enjoy life with them. 

Earlier I I typed "enemy" with the quotations around it. They were/are not my enemy. The person who hurt you is not your enemy. The person you are mad at is not your enemy. **Be sober, be vigilant, because YOUR adversary the devil walketh about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8**. Our only enemy is Satan. So all these trivial things that happen in life are not in the big picture. Here is the big picture: Souls are lost, dying and on their way to Hell. While you are busy with your little world, moping and allowing those seeds of bitterness to take root in your heart, you are doing nothing about it. You are a dull tool in the work of winning the lost. So back to Isaiah 51:1... :)

**Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the Lord: look unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged.** Want to get defeat bitterness? Look to the Rock. He conformed us in His image. He is angry and sins not. He has unending compassion. He loves you without fail, as well as the person that hurt you. Look to the hole of that deep pit of sin that you were dug out of by God's hand. You have just as many--or more--flaws than everyone else! So what makes you think that you are better than them? Yes, they hurt you. But guess what? They're flesh. JUST. LIKE. YOU.

 Forgiveness is instantaneous, but forgetting is a process. Have you ever heard the phrase "Don't be bitter, be better?" It seems a little cheesy, but it's true. Although it is true, it is easier said than done. In the past month I have attempted to help some friends who are struggling with forgiveness. I gave them this challenge: Pray for them. It's pretty hard to be angry and bitter towards someone if you're earnestly praying for them. I know that it hurts. I know that it's hard to let go of the pieces they left you in. Let go of those pieces and all the anger and let Christ put together a beautiful picture of grace, love and forgiveness. When you leave those things with Him, He makes it to where the only person who can get the glory from this is Him... where all glory, honor, praise and credit is due in the first place! I am not perfect, but I have made A LOT of mistakes and have tried to allow God to teach me through them. I'll leave you with this.

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

-Carrie Anna

It's Fall, y'all!

Hey, Hey, Hey! (It's Fat Albert? No? Okay...)

Soooo, I haven't blogged since mid August... this is equally due to several factors. One, I have had a crazy schedule. Two, I am in an intense search for a full time job. Three, I am in an intense search for a reliable car that isn't going to cost me more than it's worth. The last two things have been very taxing and stressing. But have no fear! I am still happy as a lark :) Exciting things are coming in the future... but let's talk about the now... FALL!

It has finally made it's way to East Tennessee. I woke up this morning and saw that the temperature on my phone read 62 degrees. I could've shouted! But, as usual, the high today will be barely 80. That's Tennessee for ya.

If you know me you know that I love to paint my nails, as well as painting anyone else's nails who will allow me to. So I have started my search for my Fall colors. I generally am one of those girls who sticks to certain colors every year. I usually choose a couple of shades of orange (Go VOLS!), a few shades of blacks and browns and a few shades of red. But since this year has been far from the norm, I decided to do the same with my nail color choices.

The cost ranged from free to about $7. Not too shabby! I have been partial to purples and reds here lately, even during the Summer months. I am extremely pleased and happy with all of these colors! The quality varies, depending on how I'm wearing them. Let me explain...

Okay! So the first two polishes here are a nude pink from Revlon and a fuschia purple by Forever 21. 

Revlon, Classy: Cons- Because of the color, it takes about 3 coats to get thick coverage. If you don't, it will chip quicker. At least that seems to be my observation. Pros- For my skin tone (olive), it is a PERFECT nude! The color doesn't reflect an orangey type of pigment, which is a problem I had with other nudes I tried in the past. Colors that look awesome layered with it: Black and gold! I used my small brushes to draw black and gold triangles on a few nails and I loved them. It matched all my outfits and received great reviews. :) Also, Revlon is a good quality polish for a great price... around $4.

Love & Beauty by Forever 21, Strawberry (scented): Yep. You read that right. SCENTED (after it dries)! My inner child was very happy to find this. :) Cons- Definitely needs a top coat to give it a good color and shine; otherwise, it will be dull. Pros- Very pretty purple! It may be a little bright for Fall, but it's not so bright that it can't be used. I paid 99 cents for this polish, and the few times I've used it, it hasn't chipped. It paints on good (I only used one coat), and with the top coat it's unstoppable! Colors that look great with this is gray and black. So if you're like me and wear black all winter long, using this polish --or a color like it-- will add color and could even brighten your mood. :)   

This is the polish I am currently sporting. 

Pure Ice, All Nighter: Out of all of these colors, this is one that I buy every year without fail. Despite it's red appearance in the picture, it is more of a deep maroon. Imagine a color made of red, purple and bronze... that is the color of this polish! Cons- I have to "clean" my nails with baking soda after keeping the polish on for a long period of time (usually two-ish weeks). But all reds and purples have that effect. Also, the polish does like to chip at the tip of the nail. I usually carry it in my purse with Orly's In A Snap to dry it quickly. Pros- Beautiful color. Fresh alternative to a plain red color. $1.97 at Walmart, so it doesn't break the bank. EXACT match to Essie's Wrapped in Rubies (proven by matching my nails to my neighbors who just happened to have hers painted with the $8 polish... score!!!). This color is an awesome backdrop to a cheetah print design. Very fierce.

These last two look awesome paired together... which is the reasoning behind their pairing in the picture. :)

O.P.I., Super Bass Shatter: I am not a big fan of "crackle" polishes. Don't shoot me! It's just not my thing. But the color is gorgeous! My aunt, who is a cosmetologist, gave this to me while I was at her salon because her clients never choose it.. so I figured I could give it a try. Cons- Because it's such a dark purple, it has a limited range of colors that can be used beneath it. So far I have used the a nude (the first color up top) and the gray pictured with it. Pros- Because it is from the glorious O.P.I., it doesn't chip or fade. I had this on my nails for over two weeks and only put a new top coat on once. Looks best with solid colored outfits by working at the accessory. This polish can be found at any salons or drug stores usually, and Kroger! Unless there is a sale (usually only on sale at a salon) it can be purchased just south of $9. 

China Glaze, Elephant Walk:  Awesome gray! Cons- I have had a lot of China Glaze polishes, and it seems that they chip easily (and quickly) unless you use a base coat, bonder, two coats, plus a top coat... you get the picture. Most people don't have the time (or money) to do that. Pros- I know that nothing in this world is perfect, but this gray... oooh, this gray! Two coats and you're good to go! Doesn't look gross (like most grays) and goes with almost everything in your wardrobe. Looks great with navy, purple and black/white. 

If you are looking for a new take on your fall nails besides the obvious reds, browns and oranges... try these out! Happy shopping and happy Fall, y'all :)

-Carrie Anna

**I forgot to add this to my original post! The best base coat I've ever used is Orly Bonder Rubberized Base Coat. So if you have an Orly near you and you get coupons in the mail, get it!!! Also, their In A Snap dries polish in "minutes"... more like seconds! These two things make life easier. Enjoy! :)