It Will Not Depart

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

I have heard this verse preached all my life. I've seen it hung on nursery walls and in the homes of parents with, most often, small children.

Yes, I agree that if you teach a child in the ways of the Lord, they will not forget. As a 21 year old, I can still remember Sunday school lessons I sat in as a child. To this day, because of SS teacher Mrs. Shelley, I can quote Psalms 23 without hesitation. Things stick with kids! It's just how God created their minds and yearning for learning (like my rhyme?). Unfortunately, more than just the good stays with a your children parents. Unfortunately, the bad stays with us too.

Have you ever gotten in an argument with someone, and they said something very hurtful, and still to this day you can remember everything they've ever said? I bet you are bringing up some memories at this very moment. Whoever said that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" must've lived in Niceville where everyone smiled and had sweet, encouraging words to say, because that is a lie that has been spread through time. Words hurt. It would be a safe assumption for me to say that I would rather someone get mad at me and punch me in the face than say something to purposefully hurt me.

Words stick, wounds heal.

I am not a parent, so I have no experience and no leg to stand on when it comes to giving out parenting advice. But I am a child, and I do have a leg to stand on when I say that what you say and how you treat your children makes a serious impact on how they speak and treat others, and in the future, their spouse and children.

Here's the thing. You can teach and raise your children in church, never miss Sunday school or a church service, be involved in every activity, read your Bible and pray, but if you are not consistent at home it's all in vain. Just like the world wants to see realness in Christians rather than perfection, your kids want to see the same. They mess up just like YOU messed up, and to hold them to standards of perfection will 1) drive them out of church, or 2) Make them crazy trying to be perfect, then when they mess up, they will think that the failure will be irreconcilable and also quit on God. Maybe even completely. From my own experience, and friends' experiences that I know of, here are some suggestions that maybe your children are thinking, but do not want to say in fear of being disrespectful or punished.
**By the way, your adult children are probably thinking this too.**

-Do not praise your kids in public, then degrade them at home.
-Take the words stupid, dumb, worthless and useless out of your vocabulary.
-Correct them on their mistakes, but offer a solution and not leave it empty.
-Be consistent.
-Be honest, and not afraid to apologize. This does not make you weak in their eyes!! They will love you and respect you more for it.
-Do not say things like "You cost me so much money!" It will make your kids feel like they are a burden and the cause of financial problems. If you don't have the money to spend, then don't! Kids do not expect to have extravagant amounts of money spent on them for their pleasure, or really any at all. They are TAUGHT that.
-If they are involved in sports or clubs at school, support them by going to their events. You will be surprised how far they will go if you encourage it.
-Listen.

Those seven things barely scrape the surface of what goes on in a child's head. You may be reading this, thinking that I have no right to suggest anything to you because I'm not a parent. You're right, I guess I really don't. But working in an after school program where I here kids almost daily talk about their parents and what they wish they would do, or what they wish they wouldn't do. I've heard it from kids at work, church, friends of mine and some from my own experience.

Like I said, the truth is, not only the good stays with a child. The bad does too. They remember every harsh thing you ever say, especially if you make it a point to do it daily. LOVE YOUR KIDS! Despite their flaws. It can make all the difference.

-Carrie Anna