Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
I have heard this verse preached all my life. I've seen it hung on nursery walls and in the homes of parents with, most often, small children.
Yes, I agree that if you teach a child in the ways of the Lord, they will not forget. As a 21 year old, I can still remember Sunday school lessons I sat in as a child. To this day, because of SS teacher Mrs. Shelley, I can quote Psalms 23 without hesitation. Things stick with kids! It's just how God created their minds and yearning for learning (like my rhyme?). Unfortunately, more than just the good stays with a your children parents. Unfortunately, the bad stays with us too.
Have you ever gotten in an argument with someone, and they said something very hurtful, and still to this day you can remember everything they've ever said? I bet you are bringing up some memories at this very moment. Whoever said that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" must've lived in Niceville where everyone smiled and had sweet, encouraging words to say, because that is a lie that has been spread through time. Words hurt. It would be a safe assumption for me to say that I would rather someone get mad at me and punch me in the face than say something to purposefully hurt me.
Words stick, wounds heal.
I am not a parent, so I have no experience and no leg to stand on when it comes to giving out parenting advice. But I am a child, and I do have a leg to stand on when I say that what you say and how you treat your children makes a serious impact on how they speak and treat others, and in the future, their spouse and children.
Here's the thing. You can teach and raise your children in church, never miss Sunday school or a church service, be involved in every activity, read your Bible and pray, but if you are not consistent at home it's all in vain. Just like the world wants to see realness in Christians rather than perfection, your kids want to see the same. They mess up just like YOU messed up, and to hold them to standards of perfection will 1) drive them out of church, or 2) Make them crazy trying to be perfect, then when they mess up, they will think that the failure will be irreconcilable and also quit on God. Maybe even completely. From my own experience, and friends' experiences that I know of, here are some suggestions that maybe your children are thinking, but do not want to say in fear of being disrespectful or punished.
**By the way, your adult children are probably thinking this too.**
-Do not praise your kids in public, then degrade them at home.
-Take the words stupid, dumb, worthless and useless out of your vocabulary.
-Correct them on their mistakes, but offer a solution and not leave it empty.
-Be consistent.
-Be honest, and not afraid to apologize. This does not make you weak in their eyes!! They will love you and respect you more for it.
-Do not say things like "You cost me so much money!" It will make your kids feel like they are a burden and the cause of financial problems. If you don't have the money to spend, then don't! Kids do not expect to have extravagant amounts of money spent on them for their pleasure, or really any at all. They are TAUGHT that.
-If they are involved in sports or clubs at school, support them by going to their events. You will be surprised how far they will go if you encourage it.
-Listen.
Those seven things barely scrape the surface of what goes on in a child's head. You may be reading this, thinking that I have no right to suggest anything to you because I'm not a parent. You're right, I guess I really don't. But working in an after school program where I here kids almost daily talk about their parents and what they wish they would do, or what they wish they wouldn't do. I've heard it from kids at work, church, friends of mine and some from my own experience.
Like I said, the truth is, not only the good stays with a child. The bad does too. They remember every harsh thing you ever say, especially if you make it a point to do it daily. LOVE YOUR KIDS! Despite their flaws. It can make all the difference.
-Carrie Anna
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
Chipping Away a Heart of Stone
We had such a great day in church today! My pastor preached on How to Be an Effective Soul Winner (split between both services) and it really blessed my heart. Very briefly he had us turn to Isaiah 51:1.
Although he hit it quickly, the scripture didn't leave me.
When I think of where I was two and three years ago, and see where I am now, I can't ignore the blessings that have been poured into my life and the change that has been wrought on my heart. You see, I was bitter. Angry. Unforgiving. Hurt... and guess what? I chose to be that way. Granted, I was only 19 and fresh out of high school. Still naive about the fact that people will leave you & despitefully use you. Impressionable.
When I was 18 (almost 19) I was deeply hurt by a person I loved. I will not go into detail, but it seemed as though the trust was damaged beyond compare. At first, I was heartbroken. I cried a lot, wanted to be alone and just wanted answers. Shortly after the heartbreak, I became angry. I thought, "Why would they do this to me! I have been there for them through thick and thin, and they repay me with evil!" After a week or so of anger came the unforgiving heart. In my heart I made the decision to only forgive them after they came crawling back to me. I mean, hey... they're the ones that wronged me! All the while, with each step past the hurt that I knowingly took, seeds of bitterness were planted. A few here, and a few there until my heart was a mangled mess of thorns and weeds. Bitterness had won, and I was getting my face shoved in the dirt. The year or so after that was horrible. See, when you become bitter you turn your face away from the Lord and look to yourself. You see everything one-sided. You believe everyone should cater to your feelings and emotions. I'll even be honest here. I saw the blessings the Lord was giving my "enemy" and was literally angry with Him. Why would he bless them after all the wrong they have done? Let me tell you... I was miserable.
But why was I miserable? Was it because of the incident that happened in the year previous? NO! I was way past that. I remember when I first came to the realization at what I had allowed to happen to my heart, and I tried to remind myself of what that person had done and why I was so angry. I couldn't even remember all the little things that I had accumulated over the years that I thought were true wrongs. See, that's what bitterness does. When you are bitter, every little thing that that person does to you makes you mad beyond words. One seed there. They look at you in a rude way (at least that's what you perceive). Two seeds there. And so on, and so on. **Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23**. I was miserable because I was making myself miserable! I allowed my heart to be overtaken with bitterness and because of that, sometimes I even fueled a fire with others bitterness that they had.
When I first realized what had happened to me and what I had done as a result, I couldn't help but break. Next thing I knew, I was on my bedroom floor begging God to take away the bitterness. I wanted to be happy again and I didn't want to let my bitterness get any more out of hand than it already had. That night was a turning point in my life. **Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.** I began reading my Bible again (because once I became all about me through my bitterness, I stopped focusing on the important aspects of my life). He used my personal study and the mentoring our pastor's wife Mrs. Kim was giving to us to soften my heart. I began adding this person to my prayer list, and praying for them. Then, every time I thought about them (positive or negative) I would pray for them and ask the Lord to work on my heart and theirs to mend it back together. **But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44** It was a slow process. Friendly hello's here and there, then a true smile, then real conversations and then I found myself with them on the weekends and then before I knew it, it was like nothing had happened. At first I was in shock, and after being so hurt I was guarded I re entered the friendship with caution. Now I serve the Lord beside them, laugh with them and enjoy life with them.
Earlier I I typed "enemy" with the quotations around it. They were/are not my enemy. The person who hurt you is not your enemy. The person you are mad at is not your enemy. **Be sober, be vigilant, because YOUR adversary the devil walketh about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8**. Our only enemy is Satan. So all these trivial things that happen in life are not in the big picture. Here is the big picture: Souls are lost, dying and on their way to Hell. While you are busy with your little world, moping and allowing those seeds of bitterness to take root in your heart, you are doing nothing about it. You are a dull tool in the work of winning the lost. So back to Isaiah 51:1... :)
**Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the Lord: look unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged.** Want to get defeat bitterness? Look to the Rock. He conformed us in His image. He is angry and sins not. He has unending compassion. He loves you without fail, as well as the person that hurt you. Look to the hole of that deep pit of sin that you were dug out of by God's hand. You have just as many--or more--flaws than everyone else! So what makes you think that you are better than them? Yes, they hurt you. But guess what? They're flesh. JUST. LIKE. YOU.
Forgiveness is instantaneous, but forgetting is a process. Have you ever heard the phrase "Don't be bitter, be better?" It seems a little cheesy, but it's true. Although it is true, it is easier said than done. In the past month I have attempted to help some friends who are struggling with forgiveness. I gave them this challenge: Pray for them. It's pretty hard to be angry and bitter towards someone if you're earnestly praying for them. I know that it hurts. I know that it's hard to let go of the pieces they left you in. Let go of those pieces and all the anger and let Christ put together a beautiful picture of grace, love and forgiveness. When you leave those things with Him, He makes it to where the only person who can get the glory from this is Him... where all glory, honor, praise and credit is due in the first place! I am not perfect, but I have made A LOT of mistakes and have tried to allow God to teach me through them. I'll leave you with this.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
-Carrie Anna
When I was 18 (almost 19) I was deeply hurt by a person I loved. I will not go into detail, but it seemed as though the trust was damaged beyond compare. At first, I was heartbroken. I cried a lot, wanted to be alone and just wanted answers. Shortly after the heartbreak, I became angry. I thought, "Why would they do this to me! I have been there for them through thick and thin, and they repay me with evil!" After a week or so of anger came the unforgiving heart. In my heart I made the decision to only forgive them after they came crawling back to me. I mean, hey... they're the ones that wronged me! All the while, with each step past the hurt that I knowingly took, seeds of bitterness were planted. A few here, and a few there until my heart was a mangled mess of thorns and weeds. Bitterness had won, and I was getting my face shoved in the dirt. The year or so after that was horrible. See, when you become bitter you turn your face away from the Lord and look to yourself. You see everything one-sided. You believe everyone should cater to your feelings and emotions. I'll even be honest here. I saw the blessings the Lord was giving my "enemy" and was literally angry with Him. Why would he bless them after all the wrong they have done? Let me tell you... I was miserable.
But why was I miserable? Was it because of the incident that happened in the year previous? NO! I was way past that. I remember when I first came to the realization at what I had allowed to happen to my heart, and I tried to remind myself of what that person had done and why I was so angry. I couldn't even remember all the little things that I had accumulated over the years that I thought were true wrongs. See, that's what bitterness does. When you are bitter, every little thing that that person does to you makes you mad beyond words. One seed there. They look at you in a rude way (at least that's what you perceive). Two seeds there. And so on, and so on. **Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23**. I was miserable because I was making myself miserable! I allowed my heart to be overtaken with bitterness and because of that, sometimes I even fueled a fire with others bitterness that they had.
When I first realized what had happened to me and what I had done as a result, I couldn't help but break. Next thing I knew, I was on my bedroom floor begging God to take away the bitterness. I wanted to be happy again and I didn't want to let my bitterness get any more out of hand than it already had. That night was a turning point in my life. **Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.** I began reading my Bible again (because once I became all about me through my bitterness, I stopped focusing on the important aspects of my life). He used my personal study and the mentoring our pastor's wife Mrs. Kim was giving to us to soften my heart. I began adding this person to my prayer list, and praying for them. Then, every time I thought about them (positive or negative) I would pray for them and ask the Lord to work on my heart and theirs to mend it back together. **But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44** It was a slow process. Friendly hello's here and there, then a true smile, then real conversations and then I found myself with them on the weekends and then before I knew it, it was like nothing had happened. At first I was in shock, and after being so hurt I was guarded I re entered the friendship with caution. Now I serve the Lord beside them, laugh with them and enjoy life with them.
Earlier I I typed "enemy" with the quotations around it. They were/are not my enemy. The person who hurt you is not your enemy. The person you are mad at is not your enemy. **Be sober, be vigilant, because YOUR adversary the devil walketh about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8**. Our only enemy is Satan. So all these trivial things that happen in life are not in the big picture. Here is the big picture: Souls are lost, dying and on their way to Hell. While you are busy with your little world, moping and allowing those seeds of bitterness to take root in your heart, you are doing nothing about it. You are a dull tool in the work of winning the lost. So back to Isaiah 51:1... :)
**Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the Lord: look unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged.** Want to get defeat bitterness? Look to the Rock. He conformed us in His image. He is angry and sins not. He has unending compassion. He loves you without fail, as well as the person that hurt you. Look to the hole of that deep pit of sin that you were dug out of by God's hand. You have just as many--or more--flaws than everyone else! So what makes you think that you are better than them? Yes, they hurt you. But guess what? They're flesh. JUST. LIKE. YOU.
Forgiveness is instantaneous, but forgetting is a process. Have you ever heard the phrase "Don't be bitter, be better?" It seems a little cheesy, but it's true. Although it is true, it is easier said than done. In the past month I have attempted to help some friends who are struggling with forgiveness. I gave them this challenge: Pray for them. It's pretty hard to be angry and bitter towards someone if you're earnestly praying for them. I know that it hurts. I know that it's hard to let go of the pieces they left you in. Let go of those pieces and all the anger and let Christ put together a beautiful picture of grace, love and forgiveness. When you leave those things with Him, He makes it to where the only person who can get the glory from this is Him... where all glory, honor, praise and credit is due in the first place! I am not perfect, but I have made A LOT of mistakes and have tried to allow God to teach me through them. I'll leave you with this.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
-Carrie Anna
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