We had such a great day in church today! My pastor preached on How to Be an Effective Soul Winner (split between both services) and it really blessed my heart. Very briefly he had us turn to Isaiah 51:1.
Although he hit it quickly, the scripture didn't leave me.
When I think of where I was two and three years ago, and see where I am now, I can't ignore the blessings that have been poured into my life and the change that has been wrought on my heart. You see, I was bitter. Angry. Unforgiving. Hurt... and guess what? I chose to be that way. Granted, I was only 19 and fresh out of high school. Still naive about the fact that people will leave you & despitefully use you. Impressionable.
When I was 18 (almost 19) I was deeply hurt by a person I loved. I will not go into detail, but it seemed as though the trust was damaged beyond compare. At first, I was heartbroken. I cried a lot, wanted to be alone and just wanted answers. Shortly after the heartbreak, I became angry. I thought, "Why would they do this to me! I have been there for them through thick and thin, and they repay me with evil!" After a week or so of anger came the unforgiving heart. In my heart I made the decision to only forgive them after they came crawling back to me. I mean, hey... they're the ones that wronged me! All the while, with each step past the hurt that I knowingly took, seeds of bitterness were planted. A few here, and a few there until my heart was a mangled mess of thorns and weeds. Bitterness had won, and I was getting my face shoved in the dirt. The year or so after that was horrible. See, when you become bitter you turn your face away from the Lord and look to yourself. You see everything one-sided. You believe everyone should cater to your feelings and emotions. I'll even be honest here. I saw the blessings the Lord was giving my "enemy" and was literally angry with Him. Why would he bless them after all the wrong they have done? Let me tell you... I was miserable.
But why was I miserable? Was it because of the incident that happened in the year previous? NO! I was way past that. I remember when I first came to the realization at what I had allowed to happen to my heart, and I tried to remind myself of what that person had done and why I was so angry. I couldn't even remember all the little things that I had accumulated over the years that I thought were true wrongs. See, that's what bitterness does. When you are bitter, every little thing that that person does to you makes you mad beyond words. One seed there. They look at you in a rude way (at least that's what you perceive). Two seeds there. And so on, and so on. **Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23**. I was miserable because I was making myself miserable! I allowed my heart to be overtaken with bitterness and because of that, sometimes I even fueled a fire with others bitterness that they had.
When I first realized what had happened to me and what I had done as a result, I couldn't help but break. Next thing I knew, I was on my bedroom floor begging God to take away the bitterness. I wanted to be happy again and I didn't want to let my bitterness get any more out of hand than it already had. That night was a turning point in my life. **Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.** I began reading my Bible again (because once I became all about me through my bitterness, I stopped focusing on the important aspects of my life). He used my personal study and the mentoring our pastor's wife Mrs. Kim was giving to us to soften my heart. I began adding this person to my prayer list, and praying for them. Then, every time I thought about them (positive or negative) I would pray for them and ask the Lord to work on my heart and theirs to mend it back together. **But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44** It was a slow process. Friendly hello's here and there, then a true smile, then real conversations and then I found myself with them on the weekends and then before I knew it, it was like nothing had happened. At first I was in shock, and after being so hurt I was guarded I re entered the friendship with caution. Now I serve the Lord beside them, laugh with them and enjoy life with them.
Earlier I I typed "enemy" with the quotations around it. They were/are not my enemy. The person who hurt you is not your enemy. The person you are mad at is not your enemy. **Be sober, be vigilant, because YOUR adversary the devil walketh about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8**. Our only enemy is Satan. So all these trivial things that happen in life are not in the big picture. Here is the big picture: Souls are lost, dying and on their way to Hell. While you are busy with your little world, moping and allowing those seeds of bitterness to take root in your heart, you are doing nothing about it. You are a dull tool in the work of winning the lost. So back to Isaiah 51:1... :)
**Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the Lord: look unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged.** Want to get defeat bitterness? Look to the Rock. He conformed us in His image. He is angry and sins not. He has unending compassion. He loves you without fail, as well as the person that hurt you. Look to the hole of that deep pit of sin that you were dug out of by God's hand. You have just as many--or more--flaws than everyone else! So what makes you think that you are better than them? Yes, they hurt you. But guess what? They're flesh. JUST. LIKE. YOU.
Forgiveness is instantaneous, but forgetting is a process. Have you ever heard the phrase "Don't be bitter, be better?" It seems a little cheesy, but it's true. Although it is true, it is easier said than done. In the past month I have attempted to help some friends who are struggling with forgiveness. I gave them this challenge: Pray for them. It's pretty hard to be angry and bitter towards someone if you're earnestly praying for them. I know that it hurts. I know that it's hard to let go of the pieces they left you in. Let go of those pieces and all the anger and let Christ put together a beautiful picture of grace, love and forgiveness. When you leave those things with Him, He makes it to where the only person who can get the glory from this is Him... where all glory, honor, praise and credit is due in the first place! I am not perfect, but I have made A LOT of mistakes and have tried to allow God to teach me through them. I'll leave you with this.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
-Carrie Anna
When I was 18 (almost 19) I was deeply hurt by a person I loved. I will not go into detail, but it seemed as though the trust was damaged beyond compare. At first, I was heartbroken. I cried a lot, wanted to be alone and just wanted answers. Shortly after the heartbreak, I became angry. I thought, "Why would they do this to me! I have been there for them through thick and thin, and they repay me with evil!" After a week or so of anger came the unforgiving heart. In my heart I made the decision to only forgive them after they came crawling back to me. I mean, hey... they're the ones that wronged me! All the while, with each step past the hurt that I knowingly took, seeds of bitterness were planted. A few here, and a few there until my heart was a mangled mess of thorns and weeds. Bitterness had won, and I was getting my face shoved in the dirt. The year or so after that was horrible. See, when you become bitter you turn your face away from the Lord and look to yourself. You see everything one-sided. You believe everyone should cater to your feelings and emotions. I'll even be honest here. I saw the blessings the Lord was giving my "enemy" and was literally angry with Him. Why would he bless them after all the wrong they have done? Let me tell you... I was miserable.
But why was I miserable? Was it because of the incident that happened in the year previous? NO! I was way past that. I remember when I first came to the realization at what I had allowed to happen to my heart, and I tried to remind myself of what that person had done and why I was so angry. I couldn't even remember all the little things that I had accumulated over the years that I thought were true wrongs. See, that's what bitterness does. When you are bitter, every little thing that that person does to you makes you mad beyond words. One seed there. They look at you in a rude way (at least that's what you perceive). Two seeds there. And so on, and so on. **Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23**. I was miserable because I was making myself miserable! I allowed my heart to be overtaken with bitterness and because of that, sometimes I even fueled a fire with others bitterness that they had.
When I first realized what had happened to me and what I had done as a result, I couldn't help but break. Next thing I knew, I was on my bedroom floor begging God to take away the bitterness. I wanted to be happy again and I didn't want to let my bitterness get any more out of hand than it already had. That night was a turning point in my life. **Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.** I began reading my Bible again (because once I became all about me through my bitterness, I stopped focusing on the important aspects of my life). He used my personal study and the mentoring our pastor's wife Mrs. Kim was giving to us to soften my heart. I began adding this person to my prayer list, and praying for them. Then, every time I thought about them (positive or negative) I would pray for them and ask the Lord to work on my heart and theirs to mend it back together. **But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44** It was a slow process. Friendly hello's here and there, then a true smile, then real conversations and then I found myself with them on the weekends and then before I knew it, it was like nothing had happened. At first I was in shock, and after being so hurt I was guarded I re entered the friendship with caution. Now I serve the Lord beside them, laugh with them and enjoy life with them.
Earlier I I typed "enemy" with the quotations around it. They were/are not my enemy. The person who hurt you is not your enemy. The person you are mad at is not your enemy. **Be sober, be vigilant, because YOUR adversary the devil walketh about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8**. Our only enemy is Satan. So all these trivial things that happen in life are not in the big picture. Here is the big picture: Souls are lost, dying and on their way to Hell. While you are busy with your little world, moping and allowing those seeds of bitterness to take root in your heart, you are doing nothing about it. You are a dull tool in the work of winning the lost. So back to Isaiah 51:1... :)
**Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the Lord: look unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged.** Want to get defeat bitterness? Look to the Rock. He conformed us in His image. He is angry and sins not. He has unending compassion. He loves you without fail, as well as the person that hurt you. Look to the hole of that deep pit of sin that you were dug out of by God's hand. You have just as many--or more--flaws than everyone else! So what makes you think that you are better than them? Yes, they hurt you. But guess what? They're flesh. JUST. LIKE. YOU.
Forgiveness is instantaneous, but forgetting is a process. Have you ever heard the phrase "Don't be bitter, be better?" It seems a little cheesy, but it's true. Although it is true, it is easier said than done. In the past month I have attempted to help some friends who are struggling with forgiveness. I gave them this challenge: Pray for them. It's pretty hard to be angry and bitter towards someone if you're earnestly praying for them. I know that it hurts. I know that it's hard to let go of the pieces they left you in. Let go of those pieces and all the anger and let Christ put together a beautiful picture of grace, love and forgiveness. When you leave those things with Him, He makes it to where the only person who can get the glory from this is Him... where all glory, honor, praise and credit is due in the first place! I am not perfect, but I have made A LOT of mistakes and have tried to allow God to teach me through them. I'll leave you with this.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
-Carrie Anna
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