Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
I have heard this verse preached all my life. I've seen it hung on nursery walls and in the homes of parents with, most often, small children.
Yes, I agree that if you teach a child in the ways of the Lord, they will not forget. As a 21 year old, I can still remember Sunday school lessons I sat in as a child. To this day, because of SS teacher Mrs. Shelley, I can quote Psalms 23 without hesitation. Things stick with kids! It's just how God created their minds and yearning for learning (like my rhyme?). Unfortunately, more than just the good stays with a your children parents. Unfortunately, the bad stays with us too.
Have you ever gotten in an argument with someone, and they said something very hurtful, and still to this day you can remember everything they've ever said? I bet you are bringing up some memories at this very moment. Whoever said that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" must've lived in Niceville where everyone smiled and had sweet, encouraging words to say, because that is a lie that has been spread through time. Words hurt. It would be a safe assumption for me to say that I would rather someone get mad at me and punch me in the face than say something to purposefully hurt me.
Words stick, wounds heal.
I am not a parent, so I have no experience and no leg to stand on when it comes to giving out parenting advice. But I am a child, and I do have a leg to stand on when I say that what you say and how you treat your children makes a serious impact on how they speak and treat others, and in the future, their spouse and children.
Here's the thing. You can teach and raise your children in church, never miss Sunday school or a church service, be involved in every activity, read your Bible and pray, but if you are not consistent at home it's all in vain. Just like the world wants to see realness in Christians rather than perfection, your kids want to see the same. They mess up just like YOU messed up, and to hold them to standards of perfection will 1) drive them out of church, or 2) Make them crazy trying to be perfect, then when they mess up, they will think that the failure will be irreconcilable and also quit on God. Maybe even completely. From my own experience, and friends' experiences that I know of, here are some suggestions that maybe your children are thinking, but do not want to say in fear of being disrespectful or punished.
**By the way, your adult children are probably thinking this too.**
-Do not praise your kids in public, then degrade them at home.
-Take the words stupid, dumb, worthless and useless out of your vocabulary.
-Correct them on their mistakes, but offer a solution and not leave it empty.
-Be consistent.
-Be honest, and not afraid to apologize. This does not make you weak in their eyes!! They will love you and respect you more for it.
-Do not say things like "You cost me so much money!" It will make your kids feel like they are a burden and the cause of financial problems. If you don't have the money to spend, then don't! Kids do not expect to have extravagant amounts of money spent on them for their pleasure, or really any at all. They are TAUGHT that.
-If they are involved in sports or clubs at school, support them by going to their events. You will be surprised how far they will go if you encourage it.
-Listen.
Those seven things barely scrape the surface of what goes on in a child's head. You may be reading this, thinking that I have no right to suggest anything to you because I'm not a parent. You're right, I guess I really don't. But working in an after school program where I here kids almost daily talk about their parents and what they wish they would do, or what they wish they wouldn't do. I've heard it from kids at work, church, friends of mine and some from my own experience.
Like I said, the truth is, not only the good stays with a child. The bad does too. They remember every harsh thing you ever say, especially if you make it a point to do it daily. LOVE YOUR KIDS! Despite their flaws. It can make all the difference.
-Carrie Anna
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
10 Reasons Why I Have Stayed In Church As a 20-Something
I have had the privilege of growing up in church. In fact, I have had the privilege to grow up in the same church for the past 16 years of my life! After 5 years at one church, my parents wanted to begin going to a church that was ministry-minded rather than just a church that "surviving." During my 8 years in youth group, and now as a young adult, I have seen friends that I thought would never forsake the Lord just up and leave. Almost always because of these 4 reasons: A boyfriend/girlfriend (sometimes a husband or wife), choosing a job(s) that takes them out of church, worldly friends or worldly things (no detail needed). Confusion, hurt and heartbreak are just some of the things I have felt watching people I love loose the joy they once had and give up that joy for fleeting moments of temporary happiness with no satisfaction in life.
These types of situations often prompt me to think of what I am doing for the Lord. How close am I to the line of the choice to serve the Lord or walk away? No one is above that choice, and to say that you will never walk away is ignorant. Peter did so, and denied Christ. I am a lot like Peter. Loud, a lot of times driven by emotions of the moment, and more often than not my foot is in my mouth. So I, thanks to trusted advisers in my life, have done my best to make it a point to see that line and be on guard of my heart and mind to stay close to the Lord.
Against all odds, I am here. Against all odds, I do not want to become a statistic.
Here are 10 reasons why I have stayed in church as a 20-something:
1. My parents loved our pastor. As a 21 year old, I have never heard my parents come home and talk about our pastor in a negative way. I'm sure they have disagreed with him, but if they have I have no clue when. They have always made it a point to be behind him in all his decisions and taught my brother and I to do the same.
2. My parents love our church. Just the same, they led by example to be faithful to church. Never missing a Sunday morning, Sunday night or Wednesday night service (unless job or serious sickness prevents). Special meetings or revivals? We were there. Tuesday night visitation? There. Nursing home (before our jobs hindered)? There. Anytime our church had something going on, they made it a priority by giving and participating. Like Bro. Tony Hutson says, "If your local church is hosting a chicken fight, you better be there and bring a chicken!"
3. Faithfulness was taught by example and word by my pastor, parents and lots of trusted individuals that I looked up to. In my life, I have had examples of faithfulness everywhere around me. My pastor has been the pastor of Fellowship Baptist Church for 20+ years. A lot of pastors are just hirelings who chose to be a pastor as a career choice. My pastor is God-called and in it for the long haul! My parents, immediately after salvation, began going to church, and once at FBC worked in the bus/van ministry, and now have been for 15 years at FBC, and a few years before at Pilgrim Baptist. I wasn't just encouraged to be faithful. "Well, if you can, come Sunday morning to make an appearance. But you don't have to come tonight or Wednesday! I'm just glad to see you Sunday." I was TOLD to be faithful, because we fail daily, but God NEVER fails us. Why not get together with like-minded believers and fellowship in the Lord? It takes three to thrive! I really enjoy the time I get to have with my church family, and I hope I can always make it a priority.
4. My pastor, youth pastor and their families were consistent in their Christian life and faithfulness to the Lord. It was a rare thing for my pastor (or youth pastor when I was a teen-- who had an impact on my life) to not be in church, unless he was very sick, had kidney stones or was on vacation (once a year). They always came to visitation and were in their place. It showed me that if they could have big families and be busier than anyone I know and still make it to church and all church activities, then so could I.
5. My pastor and his wife, as well as my youth pastor and his wife, were ALWAYS available to me if I needed them. Whether it was because I needed advice, or just to talk to someone, they were always there. Being available to young people is imperative, and them being so open to me really made an impression in my eyes and heart.
6. My pastor is super involved in the lives of the young people in his church. Even now as a young adult, if I miss or something happens he will Facebook me, text me or send me a Voxer to see if I'm alright. Or he'll just randomly say something crazy to get my attention, as does he do this to everyone else. One thing I could never deny is that my pastor is genuinely concerned about every aspect of our life (in a good way lol). I remember as a teenager I had invited my youth pastor and his wife to my choral concert, not really expecting they'd come since they had 8 kids and were always super busy. When I saw them sitting in audience I was SO happy and excited that they had taken the time out of their life to hear me sing a short solo in a Disney medley, ha ha. Little things like the ones I mentioned all added up to one big reason to keep on keeping on for the Lord.
7. My pastor is invested in the lives of the young people in his church. I know for a fact that my pastor prays and thinks about me and my needs besides just on Sundays/Wednesdays when he sees me the most. Just recently I was discouraged at some choices I had made, and I thought I had completely failed God. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I received a Facebook message from Preacher thanking me for " your Dedication, Commitment, Faithfulness, and Loyalty CB. I appreciate it more than you will ever know... you're the kid that caught and kept the vision." I know he wouldn't mind me sharing that, and no one would've never known that he
sent it if I hadn't have just now posted it. It's all the behind the scenes things that have encouraged me in the
Lord and I am thankful for a pastor who is invested!
8. My pastor and his family are the true definition of balanced, and are the realest people I know. They are not fake in anything they do. They admit their mistakes when they make them, and sincerely apologize. They are open books and aren't secretive. They are serious when it comes to the things of God, but both make me laugh more than anyone else I know! I actually traveled with my family to a revival in Alabama 5 hours away, and when the pastor asked where we were from and told him that we were from Fellowship Baptist in Maryville, he smiled and said "Tom Hatley is the most balanced man I know." Which is so true! Young people can point out a fake person from a mile away, just as quickly as they can point out a real one. I am thankful that my pastor is real, as well as the majority of the adults and leaders that surround me. They've always encouraged honesty and that's a pretty significant thing.
9. I was taught and preached truth. As a young child in Sunday School I remember being taught scripture and the whole counsel of God. Never watered down lessons, but lessons that were prayed over and studied by my teachers. I was taught the differences between true Christianity and false religions and what to watch out for as to not be deceived. I was taught WHY I believe what I do, not just told to blindly follow. I was encouraged to study and question and learn for myself and not just answer "because my pastor said."
10. I knew/know that I am loved unconditionally. No matter what I did as a young person, I was told the truth and disciplined in love. I have been in the pastor's office a few times (not always in great circumstances) but I never left hurt. I might have left upset with myself, but never with the ones who were truly trying to help me. I have made some stupid, STUPID mistakes, but I was always handled in love.
So many things have accumulated in my life that have molded me and made me who I am. So many things have come together to place me where I am today! Like I said before, I do not want to be another one fallen off the wayside or just another statistic. Words cannot describe the thankfulness and love I have for the people who have helped me and encouraged me along the way as a girl in her 20-somethings. Pastors/Youth leaders who are reading this, please realize -- if you haven't already-- that how you treat and teach your young people REALLY does matter. Be invested, involved, available, faithful and consistent! It can make the difference in their life and where it goes.
Closing out November with Thanksgiving left me with the list above during a devotion of respecting elders.
So to end, I have a big THANK YOU to my parents, pastor and his wife, youth pastor and his wife, mentors and advisers that have encouraged and loved me through the years, despite my many short comings. Thank you for serving the Lord and bringing up a generation who love Him and want to serve Him behind you!
-Carrie Anna
These types of situations often prompt me to think of what I am doing for the Lord. How close am I to the line of the choice to serve the Lord or walk away? No one is above that choice, and to say that you will never walk away is ignorant. Peter did so, and denied Christ. I am a lot like Peter. Loud, a lot of times driven by emotions of the moment, and more often than not my foot is in my mouth. So I, thanks to trusted advisers in my life, have done my best to make it a point to see that line and be on guard of my heart and mind to stay close to the Lord.
Against all odds, I am here. Against all odds, I do not want to become a statistic.
Here are 10 reasons why I have stayed in church as a 20-something:
1. My parents loved our pastor. As a 21 year old, I have never heard my parents come home and talk about our pastor in a negative way. I'm sure they have disagreed with him, but if they have I have no clue when. They have always made it a point to be behind him in all his decisions and taught my brother and I to do the same.
2. My parents love our church. Just the same, they led by example to be faithful to church. Never missing a Sunday morning, Sunday night or Wednesday night service (unless job or serious sickness prevents). Special meetings or revivals? We were there. Tuesday night visitation? There. Nursing home (before our jobs hindered)? There. Anytime our church had something going on, they made it a priority by giving and participating. Like Bro. Tony Hutson says, "If your local church is hosting a chicken fight, you better be there and bring a chicken!"
3. Faithfulness was taught by example and word by my pastor, parents and lots of trusted individuals that I looked up to. In my life, I have had examples of faithfulness everywhere around me. My pastor has been the pastor of Fellowship Baptist Church for 20+ years. A lot of pastors are just hirelings who chose to be a pastor as a career choice. My pastor is God-called and in it for the long haul! My parents, immediately after salvation, began going to church, and once at FBC worked in the bus/van ministry, and now have been for 15 years at FBC, and a few years before at Pilgrim Baptist. I wasn't just encouraged to be faithful. "Well, if you can, come Sunday morning to make an appearance. But you don't have to come tonight or Wednesday! I'm just glad to see you Sunday." I was TOLD to be faithful, because we fail daily, but God NEVER fails us. Why not get together with like-minded believers and fellowship in the Lord? It takes three to thrive! I really enjoy the time I get to have with my church family, and I hope I can always make it a priority.
4. My pastor, youth pastor and their families were consistent in their Christian life and faithfulness to the Lord. It was a rare thing for my pastor (or youth pastor when I was a teen-- who had an impact on my life) to not be in church, unless he was very sick, had kidney stones or was on vacation (once a year). They always came to visitation and were in their place. It showed me that if they could have big families and be busier than anyone I know and still make it to church and all church activities, then so could I.
5. My pastor and his wife, as well as my youth pastor and his wife, were ALWAYS available to me if I needed them. Whether it was because I needed advice, or just to talk to someone, they were always there. Being available to young people is imperative, and them being so open to me really made an impression in my eyes and heart.
6. My pastor is super involved in the lives of the young people in his church. Even now as a young adult, if I miss or something happens he will Facebook me, text me or send me a Voxer to see if I'm alright. Or he'll just randomly say something crazy to get my attention, as does he do this to everyone else. One thing I could never deny is that my pastor is genuinely concerned about every aspect of our life (in a good way lol). I remember as a teenager I had invited my youth pastor and his wife to my choral concert, not really expecting they'd come since they had 8 kids and were always super busy. When I saw them sitting in audience I was SO happy and excited that they had taken the time out of their life to hear me sing a short solo in a Disney medley, ha ha. Little things like the ones I mentioned all added up to one big reason to keep on keeping on for the Lord.
7. My pastor is invested in the lives of the young people in his church. I know for a fact that my pastor prays and thinks about me and my needs besides just on Sundays/Wednesdays when he sees me the most. Just recently I was discouraged at some choices I had made, and I thought I had completely failed God. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I received a Facebook message from Preacher thanking me for " your Dedication, Commitment, Faithfulness, and Loyalty CB. I appreciate it more than you will ever know... you're the kid that caught and kept the vision." I know he wouldn't mind me sharing that, and no one would've never known that he
sent it if I hadn't have just now posted it. It's all the behind the scenes things that have encouraged me in the
Lord and I am thankful for a pastor who is invested!
8. My pastor and his family are the true definition of balanced, and are the realest people I know. They are not fake in anything they do. They admit their mistakes when they make them, and sincerely apologize. They are open books and aren't secretive. They are serious when it comes to the things of God, but both make me laugh more than anyone else I know! I actually traveled with my family to a revival in Alabama 5 hours away, and when the pastor asked where we were from and told him that we were from Fellowship Baptist in Maryville, he smiled and said "Tom Hatley is the most balanced man I know." Which is so true! Young people can point out a fake person from a mile away, just as quickly as they can point out a real one. I am thankful that my pastor is real, as well as the majority of the adults and leaders that surround me. They've always encouraged honesty and that's a pretty significant thing.
9. I was taught and preached truth. As a young child in Sunday School I remember being taught scripture and the whole counsel of God. Never watered down lessons, but lessons that were prayed over and studied by my teachers. I was taught the differences between true Christianity and false religions and what to watch out for as to not be deceived. I was taught WHY I believe what I do, not just told to blindly follow. I was encouraged to study and question and learn for myself and not just answer "because my pastor said."
10. I knew/know that I am loved unconditionally. No matter what I did as a young person, I was told the truth and disciplined in love. I have been in the pastor's office a few times (not always in great circumstances) but I never left hurt. I might have left upset with myself, but never with the ones who were truly trying to help me. I have made some stupid, STUPID mistakes, but I was always handled in love.
So many things have accumulated in my life that have molded me and made me who I am. So many things have come together to place me where I am today! Like I said before, I do not want to be another one fallen off the wayside or just another statistic. Words cannot describe the thankfulness and love I have for the people who have helped me and encouraged me along the way as a girl in her 20-somethings. Pastors/Youth leaders who are reading this, please realize -- if you haven't already-- that how you treat and teach your young people REALLY does matter. Be invested, involved, available, faithful and consistent! It can make the difference in their life and where it goes.
Closing out November with Thanksgiving left me with the list above during a devotion of respecting elders.
So to end, I have a big THANK YOU to my parents, pastor and his wife, youth pastor and his wife, mentors and advisers that have encouraged and loved me through the years, despite my many short comings. Thank you for serving the Lord and bringing up a generation who love Him and want to serve Him behind you!
-Carrie Anna
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